Do you have 5 minutes?
Most of you reading this article have already reacted to that, and at least thought through your response.
Some will have said “Sure!” unequivocally, but many more will have thought “I’m in the middle of something?” or “Now is not a good time” or “Not really, last time you said that…”
Then some version of social proofing and rationality came over you. Who am I if I don’t have 5 minutes.
5 minutes is so short in the context of our lives, a short amount of time in a year and even a short period of time in one day. Yet it can feel so hard to find.
But great things can be done in 5 minutes. And the reality is, even the most laser focused global executive wastes 5 minutes on little things – pretty often.
What got me thinking about 5 minutes?
No – it’s not how long it takes to make a coffee or drink a beer.
I actually started with even less time – about 4 minutes and 30 seconds.
Because that’s how little time you need to know the deepest depths of someone.
This particular 4 minutes 30 seconds I am thinking about came from a song.
Brick by Ben Folds Five. Released in November 1997.
I can’t remember if Spotify gave it to me, or the radio, or I remembered its brilliance. That matters not.
If you’ve heard it, you’ll get it. If you haven’t, go find it, listen, and you’ll get it.
And it hits the same, maybe harder in its own rawness, in December 2024 as it did around November 1997.
The loss and aloneness in this song, in these circumstances, I have never felt. Yet in it, for 4 minutes and 30 seconds (or maybe even less, to be honest), you will have to.
Now, to be clear I am not on the bankroll of Epic Records (Sony Music owned I believe).
And I don’t argue that it’s the only song to ever bring this level of emotion. I see it as a special song, but pick your song, and hear the lessons for the musical and non-musical among us.
It is human experience. It is human emotion. It’s the equivalent of staring into someone eyes and seeing every single piece of them. In just 4 minutes and 30 seconds (yes, or less).
Simple lyrics, storytelling, of the everyday and the extraordinary. Deeply profound.
I’m sure Ben Folds didn’t write Brick in 5 minutes. But he conveyed so much in that space.
Imagine, if like this song, you could find out so much about a person you worked with, if you were a tad more open and overrode your own reactions to “do you have 5 minutes?”.
When we talk about belonging and connection, this is one thing anyone can do. And as you go up the ladder and get busier, it feels the hardest to do.
Let’s go to the maths on this.
I have 24 hours in a day. So do you. I am giving both of us 8 hours to sleep, and 2 to eat and exercise and do other things. This is oversimplified – but that leaves 14 hours left. Not all for work necessarily, but stay with me.
That leaves ((14*60)/5) = 168 opportunities to use 5 minutes well. Even ((7*60/5)) = 84 opportunities of 5 minutes done well!
So, say yes to 1 or 2 of them a day and see how you go.
You’ll learn something about them, get a new idea, find a problem a different solution.
This is trust building 101. This is psychological safety. All the buzz words.
Ultimately, this means the moments that can feel ‘slower’ have big potential to make the boat go way faster. Do it.
Bringing it to life.
All it takes to overcome your initial reaction to ‘Do you have 5 minutes?’, is saying yes.
With the 5 minutes, make sure you get through these 2 things.
- Less small talk, more big talk. Get through the indirectness and awkwardness of tough conversations faster. Hear the person, find what they need, and what’s next as appropriate. This will come with time and practice. It is always worth it.
- Assumptions – make an ‘ass out of you and me’. People are a bad place to apply heuristics and mental models and rules of thumb. We need to know, not assume. Ask and listen, don’t make shortcuts.
And remember this 3rd thing – as it stands up in this scenario as well.
The overused iceberg visual. Pop psychology vibes for culture. We know the part of the iceberg above the water, it’s visible, but the iceberg below the water is unseen, therefore it is unknown. “Do you have 5 minutes?” is how you can actively know more to make the unseen more visible.
I ask you now, “Do you have 5 minutes?” and you say ‘Yes, absolutely!’
For bonus points, and if you’re still in doubt, use your first 5 minutes to hear the emotion and sheer brilliance of the song Brick. And you’ll understand that 5 minutes really can change the game.